Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
