I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
