Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
