It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
