Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
