Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
