Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
