Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
