dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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