What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
