Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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