I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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