That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
