dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
