i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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