Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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