so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i think we sleep fucked last night...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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