your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
