I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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