Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
