toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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