sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
