Where is the hickey?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
