Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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