Kiss
Puke
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
