yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
