I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
