So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
cat food counts as protein by the way
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
