He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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