i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This house was built for laser tag.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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