I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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