I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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