it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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