One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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