It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
