God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
