I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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