so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
