YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
