I cockslap morals
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
