At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
