wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize