your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
A+ Viking dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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