I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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