I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
