My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
