Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize