dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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