exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
