Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
