So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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