Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
