how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
