i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am one with the molecules
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
