The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you remember whose house we're in?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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