just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize