Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
