If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
