U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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