God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
