I just made out with a guy for $7.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
