Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
