dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
