well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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