My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
