The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
