WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
