Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
