you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
