carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
