My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
