What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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