I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
