If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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